But What For?

It's a common abuse of grammar, but one that is so well steeped in my speech that trying to overturn it is like trying to call a bubbler a drinking fountain. I was first informed of my dangling "for's and with's" (I'm going to lunch, want to come with?") at the end of my sentences not by a teacher or a professor but by a college roommate. She thought maybe it was a Midwestern thing, like the bubbler, but I think it is far more common. A far more embarrassing but also helpful grammar lesson came from a woman in North Carolina who was seated next to me at a local Council of Churches meeting. "I'm telling you this not because it bothers me so much, but because you are young and will have many chances to speak. When you refer to someone using a pronoun as the subject, use 'he' or 'she', not 'him' or 'her'". I sat through the second part of the meeting working it through in my head -- did I really say, "Her and her cousin went to..."? All this is to say that I am not surprised to hear dangling "for's" from the boys (are they really that bad?) but I am happy that, so far, they always ask, "I want you to come with me!".

But the "what for" questions are hard, no matter what grammar is used. When my youngest cousin was the boys' age, she would follow up everything said by an adult with, "but what kind of car/person/etc?" A conversation would take twice as long, or more, because each statement needed more explanation than the statement itself. An answer was never complete. As she is now nearly a teenager, I hope she keeps asking those questions.

Dietrich's questions are often about the existence of things. "But why do we have the Olympics? Why are there trees?" Elliott's are about purpose. "But what are trees for? What are these stickers all over our library books for?" My answers are usually woefully inadequate by their standards. They ask again, I repeat myself, we both lose patience. Sometimes they are quiet after my answer and I think I really nailed it that time only to be asked a follow up that shows how off the track I have led them with my answer. But I love to hear them ask and to see where they press on my assumptions. Even the question about the Olympics -- I first said something about competition between countries. Competition he gets -- oh, does he ever -- but what does a country mean to him? So then I said something about how people happen to be arranged, how they live near each other, and practice their sports together. And it is fun to compete with each other without violence. It's an alternative to war that we can dream will one day be true, I thought, but did not add.